How NOT to Tour – 10 Traps to Avoid

Every musician on this planet has dreamt of the day when they would travel across the fruited plains and over purple mountain majesty, to bring their talents to the multitude of starving American ears.

Ready? Here come the REAL wonders of the road.

Then, one-day, once America’s ears have been given a taste, they will make a living: going from place to place, meeting the most interesting people in the world, having the most incredible experiences, living like the rock stars they know they truly are.

That’s the stuff dreams are made of!! That’s a life worth losing your hearing, personal relationships and sense of security for!! Woo!!

Well, after having been on tour across a good portion of the US, allow me to disillusion you. I don’t do this because I’m a angry at the world or have been beaten down by the iron fists of the music industry, I do it because I honestly wish someone had told me some of these things: I invested two years of my life and way too much money into something I could have done considerably better.

There’s no way I could touch upon all the subtleties of how not to tour, but here’s a list of my top 10 DON’TS, for all of you out there thinking about taking that dream of yours on the road…

DON’T Do It

Don’t go on tour.

I know, I know, you HAVE to go on tour, but ask yourself a few questions before you do:

Have I properly booked, routed, promoted and advanced this theoretical tour? And if I have, can I realistically execute and finance it? If you’re a newbie or don’t have the proper resources and support system surrounding you, the answer to those questions is probably no. I would seriously suggest thinking long and hard about going through with what might be a really expensive and time-consuming decision.

Playing to empty venues might put rock star callouses on your soul, but it’s definitely not going to make your tour very enjoyable, and losing large amounts of money is always a bummer, no matter how you spin it.

If you can’t do it wisely, just don’t do it.

DON’T Forget the Little Things

For instance: power sources, ¼” to 1/8” adapters, headphones, keyboard stands, the clothes you were wearing before you changed to go on stage. I have done all of these things, some of them multiple times, and it has totally ruined my life every time.

My Dad has suggested that I keep a list of the things I need and check them off before I leave the venue. His logic appears sound, but I can’t in my right mind, follow his suggestions, so I’ll never know. But damn, there’s a pair of shorts floating around somewhere in NY that make my ass look like J-Lo’s and their absence is a crime against humanity.

Tune out the siren call of the stray keyboard stand.

Oh yeah, and I’ve wasted literally hundreds of dollars on keyboard stands. As a side not(e), if you find a keyboard stand at a venue and you think, “Hey I’ll just leave mine in the van and use this one ‘cause I’m lazy”… let me just tell you now – it’s BROKEN. And all of your stuff will come CRASHING down onto the floor mid-set.

DON’T Mess With a System That is Working

For all your electronic musicians: Don’t upgrade your operating system, download the latest version of the software you’re using on stage or buy a new interface.

I know it’s tempting, but seriously, don’t. The last thing you need is to have your old interface not communicate with your new OS or the house sound system. I did this once and at every show afterwards, my drummer wasn’t receiving the click in his cans when I fired up Ableton. My solution to this was to frantically push buttons, which worked about 75% percent of time.  Whoops!!!

DON’T Forget Your Clone!!

If you think Time Machine is gonna save your ass you are sorely mistaken. Have all your licenses for your software somewhere easy to access.

I can’t even talk about this because I don’t want to jinx myself.

DON’T Roll Without Insurance, Warranty or Road Cases

If you’re like most of the other independent musicians, your gear is most likely among your most valuable possessions — the likelihood of things breaking while you’re on the road is at its highest, and if you choose to, you will learn this the hard way.

It might be more of an investment in the short term, but you will be saving yourself potentially huge amounts of money. Not to mention massive headaches and time scrambling around towns you’re not familiar with, trying to find the nearest Guitar Center. The powers that be will strategically place all Guitar Centers as far away from your gigs as possible.

DON’T Go Alone

Whether you’re a DJ or in a five-piece band, don’t have it be just “you.”

The addition of another person, whatever their role may be, will make all the difference in how smoothly things run. This other person can at the very least sit behind a merch table and collect email addresses for you, but they also offset the dynamic between you and the other musicians, or in a DJ’s case, you and your own mind.

The relationship you have with the other people on the road, or the one you have with yourself for that matter, will hugely affect every other aspect of touring.

My suggestion: Bring along someone who can at least string sentences together, show up on time and potentially do some tour managing duties.

DON’T Make Assumptions

Considering your bandmates just spent the last three weeks crammed up against you and all your flaws, they do not like you anymore.

Not only that, but they don’t like the music you guys play anymore either.

When you go to a new place where you only have one friend or family member, that doesn’t mean that person is actually going to attend your show or bring any friends.

You will enjoy getting to know your bandmates via the camarederie that only touring can bring.

People at border crossings, specifically in Vancouver, don’t care about you at all. If you don’t gots a visa, then you gots to go. If you try and question the authority figures on either side of the divide, you will spend hours in a room, without your passport, while they search through all your stuff.

Apparently Canada has lots of great bands and they don’t need the likes of us… (insert guffaw here).

DON’T Bring Your Friends or Significant Others

It’s the same as dating a co-worker. Eventually things will go very, very wrong and you will have no choice but to pay the dire consequences for this blatant mistake.

If you love you friends or girlfriend/boyfriend, do yourself a favor and leave them at home where they are happy versions of themselves. It’s best to remember them that way.

If you’re one of the few people able to maintain these types of relationships despite the distance, they will be very happy to see you upon your return.

DON’T Take Things Personally

Going on tour is indefinitely going to strip you of some of your dignity, be it in a bathroom scenario or that time you kinda hit your bandmate outside that strip club.

Let me tell you from personal experience, it’s totally cool, man — even if no one in the van will actually speak to you or you took a weird dump someplace, you gotta let that kinda stuff just roll off your back.

Most likely, the issue isn’t nearly as huge as it is in your head and given the proper amount of silence and time passing, things will eventually go back to how they were before.

Another side not(e), and this one is especially for the ladies and men in touch with their emotions: Talking is NOT the answer.

DON’T Give Up

I realize that after reading the other nine DON’Ts, this one might seem like the biggest stretch of them all.

But in all seriousness, if you aren’t going to go out there and try and make this world a more listenable place, then another shitty band IS going to go out there and somehow make it LESS listenable.

We need people like you: People who write truly amazing songs, people who put on unforgettable shows, people who care about the listening environment of their children and their children’s children, people who refuse to be silenced even though all the odds are stacked against them.

I implore you, don’t do any of the stuff I mentioned above, but if there’s anything you take away from my diatribe, please please please, do this one last thing for me and don’t give up.

ERIN BARRA:  Singer/Songwriter/Producer/Multi-Instrumenatlist/Ableton-Enthusiast/Nationally-Touring-Aritst. Also visit her on Facebook or Twitter @erinbarra.

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